


Talk Me Down

by Right___Meow



Category: Free!
Genre: 5x in a row, And so he writes a bunch of songs that are secretly about Haru, Idol Makoto, Implied Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, It creates a fic where Makoto is unable to confess to his best friend that he's in love with him, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, This is what happens after watching, Troye Sivan's Blue Neighbourhood Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6218236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Right___Meow/pseuds/Right___Meow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having graduated from high school and enrolling at The University of Tokyo and Hosei, Makoto and Haru are finding the distance between them increasing due to Haru's constant training for the Olympics, and Makoto being scouted by a talent agency.</p><p>When Makoto is quickly thrown into the music industry and becomes Japan's next big hit, he begins to worry that the truth behind his lyrics will become unveiled--revealing hidden feelings he had kept locked away, and never intended to reveal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Me Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [samanthastral](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samanthastral/gifts).



> Happy birthday Sam :3 thank you for introducing me to Troye Sivan, and unknowingly sparking an idea for a MakoHaru fic where Makoto is Troye and all his songs are about his unspoken feelings for Haru XP
> 
> In order to get the full reference of this fic, and to enjoy Troye’s greatness, I highly encourage watching his three-part Blue Neighbourhood MV at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdXNNveYOfU

 

“Hee hee!  Look, Haru-chan!  We can put our pinkies inside the keychains coach Sasabe gave us—they’re like little finger puppets!”

 

“Shh, Makoto.  If we’re not quiet, your mom will scold us for staying up too late.”

 

The two childhood friends huddled close together, taking refuge underneath the sheets of Makoto’s bed with nothing but a flashlight and the dolphin and goldfish keychains they had received from their swim club earlier that day.  Mrs. Tachibana had already come into the room once to remind the boys that they had school the next day and needed their rest, but her efforts proved futile considering the pair had felt restless ever since playing house with the twins.  

 

The two figured that Makoto’s bedding would muffle their voices and dim the glow of their flashlight enough to allow them to continue playing without disturbing the rest of the Tachibana household.

 

“Ahh, sorry, Haru-chan!  I’m just really excited we can play with these.  They can become best friends, just like us!”

 

“Drop the ‘chan,’ and me too…thanks for letting me have the dolphin, Makoto.”

 

“Of course!  You swim as graceful as a dolphin, so it’s only natural that you got the last one.”

 

Haru felt his cheeks burn from Makoto’s genuine words.  For as long as he could remember, Makoto had always been a kind and honest person.  And for someone like Haruka, who often struggled to put his very intricate feelings into words, he often didn’t know how to respond to the never-ending string of compliments Makoto so generously poured onto him.

 

“Say, Haru-chan...”

 

“Hmm?  What is it?”

 

“Do you think we’ll always be able to stay at each other’s side?  Even after we’re all grown up?”

 

“Stupid Makoto…of course we will.”

 

A warm, genuine smile quickly spread along Makoto’s lips.  “Promise?”

 

Haru met Makoto’s gaze with a simple nod.  “Mm.”

 

***

 

The summer after high school graduation seemed to rush by.  Haru had officially accepted an offer by The University of Tokyo, after undergoing a trial run with their swim team.  Seijuro Mikoshiba had managed to talk their coach into recruiting the prodigal swimmer, and the two former rivals had since developed a friendly comradery.

 

Less than 20 minutes away, Makoto Tachibana had completed his university orientation at Hosei University.  Overall, he felt that the university’s campus, offered courses, and scholarship opportunities fit his needs.  Not to mention his orientation leader had assisted in helping him locate an apartment complex close to campus at a discounted rate.

 

Makoto was currently sitting inside a café a few minutes off of campus, completing his formal housing application.  The stress and hectic nature of his day had finally caught up to him, as he released a gentle sigh while pulling a small notebook from his bag.  Inside contained the lyrics to songs he had never shared with nor shown anyone.  Inside the notebook contained Makoto’s raw feelings—his unspoken desires—it served as a looking glass into the deepest, innermost depths of his heart.

 

In the midst of transitioning from the quiet shore of Iwatobi and high school life, to the nonstop hustle and bustle of Tokyo, Makoto had found solace in writing. 

 

Few knew of Makoto’s surprisingly impressive musical abilities, but none knew of the lyrics and poetry he coveted so dearly.  And perhaps that was due to the fact Makoto himself wasn’t willing to openly admit or face the transparent feelings and words he had so effortlessly written onto the pieces of paper before him—revealing his true hopes, fears, and dreams.

 

Momentarily, his mind flitted to his best friend—the one person who had been a consistent source of strength and support in his life.  Makoto unconsciously scowled at the realization that Haru would no longer be a constant presence in his life.  While only 4km separated the two, their lives were undeniably beginning to separate, as they both began to pursue their independent dreams.

 

Makoto’s hand began moving on its own—his true thoughts flushing out onto the once pristine sheet of white.

 

As Makoto fervently wrote in his notebook, a talent agent walked into the small café, looking for a caffeinated assist to help her continue with her workday.  The strikingly handsome man sitting alone in a corner near the entrance of the shop caused the agent to do a double take.  Noticing the man’s strong, muscular frame, accompanied by a warm aura, soft expression, and bright eyes peaked her interest.

 

Slyly, the woman sauntered towards the man, remaining completely undetected as Makoto fully immersed himself in the lyrics that seemed to download straight from his heart to his pen.

 

The attractive man’s diligence and determination to furiously complete whatever he was working on stirred the woman’s curiosity, as she carefully peered over his shoulder.

 

_White noise in my mind_

_Won't calm down_

_You're all I think about_

_Running on the music_

_And night highs_

_But when the light's out_

_It's me and you now, now_

_'Cause there's still too long to the weekend_

_Too long till I drown in your hands_

_Too long since I've been a fool, oh,_

 

 

“Oh my, it looks like you’ve got it pretty bad for someone.”

 

A meek “Eep!” slipped past Makoto’s lips as he not-so-gracefully jumped in his seat, immediately sitting erect as he hastily turned to stare wide-eyed at a confident-looking woman, wearing an intimidatingly knowing smile.

 

“My apologies, sir.  I didn’t mean to startle you, but you were so focused on that notebook I couldn’t help but wonder what had you so captivated.”

 

The blush on Makoto’s face didn’t appear to be subsiding anytime soon.  Flustered by having a complete stranger notice the private words he had hastily scribbled onto his notebook, Makoto attempted to stutter out a semi-coherent response.

 

“Oh!  I, umm…I mean, I was just, umm…journaling?  For school?  I’m taking a creative writing class?”

 

The woman’s confident, boisterous laugh filled the small space of the café, drawing several patron’s attention towards the unlikely pair in the corner of the room.  “Well don’t ask me!  Are you or are you not completing this for a writing class?”

 

“Umm, no, I’m not…”

 

A knowing grin stretched along the woman’s glossed lips.  “I figured as much…so tell me, who is it that’s got you acting like such a ‘fool.’”

 

Makoto could’ve sworn his entire face radiated enough heat to warm the caffeinated beverages being served by the baristas.

 

“Uh—umm, that’s, umm…I!”

 

The woman’s abrupt laughter saved the frazzled song-writer from further embarrassing himself.  “Don’t sweat it, kid.  I’m not making fun of you—I actually really like what you’ve got going there.  Say, by any chance you don’t happen to play an instrument or anything, do you?”

 

Makoto blinked several times, unsure of how to answer the woman’s strange question.  “Umm, I mean, I play the guitar a little.  Though it’s more of a hobby than anything serious…and I’ve been told that I have an okay singing voice, but they were probably just being nice.”

 

“Hmm, interesting…alright, tell you what!  I’m currently looking for new up-and-coming faces for billboards and magazine covers, and you don’t seem like a half-bad candidate.  What’re you doing tomorrow morning?”

 

“M-me!?  Umm, nothing, I suppose.  I was just going to start moving into my—”

 

“Perfect!  Here, take my card—my name’s Sawada Sakurai.  My personal email and work number are on the back, so feel free to contact me if something pops up!”

 

“O-okay, thank you, Ms. Sawada…umm, but how do I know that you’re…”  Makoto’s voice trailed off, unsure of how to politely ask whether or not he was being scammed.

 

“Please, call me Sakurai!  And I’m glad to see you aren’t the type to blindly trust strangers.  That’ll be good for when you make it big.”

 

“Make it big!?  But wait, I just—”

 

 “Ha ha!  Relax, I’m just teasing ya!  Besides, it usually takes months—even years—until a talent makes it big.  So this isn’t anything you’d need to worry about now.”

 

Makoto couldn’t help but blink in disbelief at the powerful woman before him—she clearly knew how to work a room and assert her dominance into any situation to get what she wanted. 

 

“Look, kid.  You have every reason to be suspicious of some strange woman walking up behind ya, peeping on your work, and then offering you an interview.  But I’d encourage you to go home and do some research.  You’ll find that my name, picture, and everything listed on that card adds up.  I’ve personally scouted quite a few big name models and actors, including Oikawa Tooru and Kise Ryouta.  Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

 

Makoto didn’t even know where to start, let alone how to respond.  Everything was happening so fast between his move to Tokyo, adjusting to a new school and area, and now this!?  How the heck was he supposed to balance being a musician and a university student?

 

Wait...there was no point in getting ahead of himself.  He wasn’t even that impressive musically—it was his lyrics more than anything that would make him noteworthy.

 

Still, something in Makoto’s gut told him he could trust this woman, and to seize this unexpected opportunity.  “Alright…I’ll look up your agency when I get back to my hotel.  And if everything adds up, I’ll meet with you tomorrow.”

 

A victorious grin stretched along the woman’s lips.  “Perfect!  I’ll see you tomorrow then…?”

 

Realizing he had never formally introduced himself, Makoto flinched in embarrassment.  “Ahh, my apologies! It’s Makoto—Tachibana Makoto.”

 

The woman’s lips contorted into a confident smirk.  “Well then, Tachibana Makoto, I look forward to potentially working with you.”

 

*** _  
_

 

_Leave this blue neighbourhood_

_Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh_

_And it drives me wild_

_'Cause when you look like that_

_I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh_

_It drives me wild_

_You're driving me wild, wild, wild_

 

***

 

“You met with a talent agent?”  Haru was on his way home from swim practice when he caught Makoto’s name flashing across the screen of his phone.

 

“Ha ha, I know!  It sounds strange, right?  I’m not really sure what she sees in me, but I figured it’s worth a shot.  After all, if everything goes well, I should get paid well enough to become financially independent.  Then I could help out my parents with paying off their mortgage, and saving up for Ren and Ran’s college funds.  It’d be really nice if I could give back as a way of thanking them for all they’ve done for me so far!”

 

A gentle, knowing smile tugged at Haru’s lips.  His best friend was so predictable—of course when something good happened to him, he immediately thought of how his fortune could bless those around him.

 

“Sounds like a good opportunity.  When’s your next meeting?”

 

“Hmm, I’m not sure, actually.  Ms. Sakurai mentioned something about a trial run next week…I think she wants me to perform in front of a couple agents.  But Haruuu, how am I supposed to sing in front of a bunch of people I don’t know!?  I can hardly gather the nerve to sing in front of you, and you’re my best friend!”

 

Haru chuckled at Makoto’s growing flustered state.  “Relax, you’ll do fine.  I’ve only heard you sing a few times, but you’re good.  Good enough to spark their interest, at least.”

 

“Haru…”  Makoto’s eyes shone with great emotion at his friend’s encouragement.  Haru had never been one to say something he didn’t believe, so to receive such high praise was greatly encouraging.

 

“Okay!  I’m gonna go for it, then!  If you think it’s worth a shot, then I’ll give it my all!”

 

A small smile tugged at the edge of Haru’s lips.  “That’s great, Makoto.  Good luck.”

 

***

_I am tired of this place, I hope people change_

_I need time to replace what I gave away_

_And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small_

_Though I try to resist I still want it all_

 

***

 

Makoto’s audition went better than he could’ve expected.  He had been offered a deal that same day, and was given a contract to look over and revise with his scouting agent, Ms. Sakurai.

 

The talent agency had decided to assign Makoto to a four month intensive music training, where for five days, every week, he would meet with a staff of professionals who would work on increasing his confidence, stage presence, and overall musical abilities.

 

Makoto’s agency had decided that due to his natural good looks and charm, his voice would be enough to draw in an audience—choosing to forego incorporating a guitar into his routine until he had fully mastered his training.

 

“The goal is to get you musically proficient and stage-ready as quickly as possible.  Think of it this way: the quicker you get on stage, the quicker you receive your paychecks, and the agency begins to view you as a valuable employee.”

 

Makoto hadn’t fully understood the competitive nature of the industry, or exactly what he had been signing on to when he agreed to his contract, but he didn’t want to disappoint the executives who had placed such high faith in him, or to his friends and family who had supported him throughout the process.

 

Makoto found himself struggling to maintain a social life outside of his schoolwork and musical training, and often was only able to meet up with Haru on Sundays: the only day of the week Haru didn’t have swim practice, and Makoto had off.

 

The lack of contact and physical distance between the two had definitely put a strain on their relationship during their first year, but the two never ceased trying to meet up—even if just for a few hours every week.

 

Makoto had begun to falter in his decision to pursue music, but was constantly encouraged by his loved ones.  His parents had both stated that they’d always known Makoto had a gift for music, and that he should share it with the world.  Rin had skyped Makoto on several occasions, offering to fly to Tokyo and take Makoto out for karaoke to help build his stage presence and confidence.  Rei and Nagisa were constantly sending him texts and letters of encouragement.  And even Sousuke had called him, explaining how Rin used to brag in his letters about how awesome Makoto’s singing abilities in the shower were, back when they swam together during Elementary.

 

But most of all, Haru had been his biggest support.

 

**_I know you aren’t the type to say when you really want something, but I can tell this is really important to you.  So do your best—I’ll be cheering for you, Makoto._ **

 

The up-and-coming idol had saved the message to his phone, and often revisited it whenever he was beginning to feel discouraged.  Haru later explained to Makoto that he was happy to see his best friend actively pursue one of his own personal goals.  When Makoto questioned him about it, Haru had smiled and told him that he was the type of person to view pursuing his own ambitions as self-serving. 

 

“You’ve always enjoyed music, but you convinced yourself it’d be selfish to focus on your dream instead of spending time with the twins, or swimming with me.”

 

Makoto had been shocked by Haru’s words.  He knew his best friend had always been a fairly observant person, but the truth and sincerity behind Haru’s words had struck him particularly hard.

 

Music had provided for Makoto what the water and swimming provided for Haru: freedom.

 

It was through writing and creating music that Makoto was best able to process, reflect, and explore his thoughts and feelings.  It was through music that Makoto felt most at home, and at peace with himself.  It was through music that Makoto began to explore and come to an understanding of his deep feelings for his best friend.

 

It was through music that Makoto was able to find a sense of strength and purpose in his life.

 

And now, not even a year later, as Makoto prepared for his first year final exams, he had successfully gotten his first hit on the radio.

 

***

_And when the lights start flashing like a photo booth_

_And the stars exploding_

_We'll be fireproof_

_My youth_

_My youth is yours_

_Trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls_

_My youth_

_My youth is yours_

_Run away now and forevermore_

_My youth_

_My youth is yours_

_The truth so loud you can't ignore_

_My youth, my youth, my youth_

_My youth is yours_

 

***

 

“Ahh, Makoto-kun!  There you are.”

 

Ms. Sakurai quickly maneuvered her way around the props on the stage towards her client’s position.

 

“I see your performance practice is going well.  Are you getting excited for your big debut!?  Your tickets for your first show sold out in less than a few weeks!  That’s quite an honor being a newcomer to the music industry.”

 

Makoto sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck.  “To be honest, I still can’t understand why anyone would want to pay money to come and hear me perform.”

 

Ms. Sakurai released a boisterous laugh as she laid a good-natured slap against Makoto’s back.  “You see?  It’s that kind of attitude that makes you so likeable.  The fans really feel like they can relate to you, given that you’re so easy to read.  Not to mention you aren’t cocky like many of the performers in the industry.”

 

“Am I really that transparent!?”  Makoto flushed at the idea of everyone being able to read into the deeper meaning of his lyrics—that they would be able to peer directly into the deepest caverns of Makoto’s heart, shining a light to openly reveal who his lyrics were truly about.

 

“Don’t sweat it, Makoto-kun!  It’s precisely because you’re so easy to read and such an honest guy that the fans adore you!  I heard you’ve had to start having an escort pick you up and drop you off at Hosei.  How’s it feel becoming a celebrity?”

 

Makoto lowered his head, frowning at the recent memories of paparazzi and crazed fans stalking him outside of his classes.  “I feel like I’m being a nuisance to everyone...my career isn’t just affecting me, it’s affecting my classmates, and even my neighbors.  Everyone in my apartment complex was forced to sign a release stating they wouldn’t reveal to the press that I lived there, or what apartment I was in.  I feel like everywhere I go, I’m causing trouble for others…”

 

And while Makoto wouldn’t admit it out loud, his recent popularity only continued to interfere with his relationship with Haru.  Every time the two tried to hangout near Tokyo U or Hosei, someone would catch wind of Makoto’s whereabouts, resulting in the pair having to avoid public places.  Nowadays, it seemed like the only place they were truly safe from the public eye was at one another’s apartments—and for Makoto, being alone with Haru was slowly stirring up 19 years of repressed feelings for his best friend that he’d rather leave unprovoked.

 

“Do the fans really know that I write my own music?”

 

Ms. Sakurai lifted her eyebrows in surprise.  “Of course they do!  That’s a large part of why they feel they can connect with you so much.  You write about youth, heartache, and discovering yourself—those are all things people can relate to.”

 

Makoto weakly smiled, his heart warming at the thought that his music could console people who like him, were hurting or confused.  Part of why Makoto adored music so much was because it connected and brought people together—even though it was embarrassing to bare his heart and soul to the world, knowing that it could possibly help others, and make them feel like they weren’t alone, made his open transparency worth it.

 

However, by remaining vulnerable, it would only be a matter of time until someone began questioning who his lyrics were truly about.

 

And if asked by the one person who he had managed to keep his true feelings hidden from, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to withhold the truth he had kept to himself for all these years.

 

“So, umm, what’s the song list I’ll be going with for my first concert?”

 

Makoto’s agent beamed with excitement as she pulled out a notepad from her back pocket.  “I’m so glad you asked, Makoto-kun.  Because this concert is sure to leave a mark on your budding career.”

 

***

 

_I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes_

_I see a little house on the hill and children's names_

_I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray_

_But everything is shattering and it's my mistake_

  
  
Only fools fall for you, only fools

_Only fools do what I do, only fools fall_

 

***

 

The night of the concert had finally arrived, and Makoto had resorted to a bundle of nerves and anxiety.

 

“I can’t do this…what was I even thinking saying that I could go on stage in front of thousands of people!?”

 

The up-and-coming idol’s personal staff had given his best friend backstage access to serve as moral support during his first big performance.

 

“You ** _can_** do this.  And you will.”

 

A pained expression soured Makoto’s handsome features.  “But Haruuu!”

 

“No buts, Makoto.  You’ve worked hard, and you’ve got the talent.  You can do this.”

 

Makoto took in and released an unsteady breath, as he allowed Haru’s reassuring voice to wash over his unwavering nerves.

 

“You really think so, Haru?”

 

His best friend nodded in reassurance—his alluring, blue eyes never leaving Makoto’s emerald orbs.  “I do.”

 

Makoto felt a spark of warmth stir in his heart, and slowly creep along his skin.  “Thank you, Haru-chan.”

 

***

 

_Oh, our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this_

_The differences and impulses and your obsession with_

_The little things, you like stick, and I like aerosol_

_I don't give a fuck, I'm not giving up, I still want it all_

 

***

 

Haru stood in the first row of the stadium alongside his former teammates—Tokyo’s warm, summer air gently lapping against his skin and forming goosebumps along his exposed skin,

 

Truthfully, the last time Haru had heard Makoto sing was during their second year of high school in the swim club’s locker room, when Makoto had thought everyone had already left.

 

At first Haru had felt bad for intruding on what Makoto had perceived to be his alone time, but quickly resolved that it was Makoto’s own fault, for ever thinking that Haru would go home without him.

 

The past year had been incredibly rough on Haru—not just because he had moved to the city and been forced to converse with a team and group of classmates he had never met before, but because the solid rock and foundation he had had all his life was no longer physically present.

 

There was no denying that Haru was incredibly proud of Makoto, and fully supported him in his music career; but a small part of him couldn’t help but feel abandoned by his best friend’s new lifestyle and career.

 

Up until this point, it had always been Haru who was by Makoto’s side.  It had been Haru who knew of Makoto’s secret love for music.  It had been Haru who was the first and last to see Makoto every day.

 

But now, Haru was forced to share his favorite person with the world.  He was going to have to share Makoto’s gentle, melodic and soothing voice with all of Japan.  He was going to have to stand by and watch as the world saw a side of Makoto that up till now, he had been the only one to see.

 

It unnerved Haru to no end that Makoto was receiving so much attention from unanimous fangirls.  Haru couldn’t grasp why he had to share his best friend’s time, energy, talents, and attention with a bunch of strangers.

 

It was ludicrous.

 

Haru had never had to share Makoto’s time and attention before, so why did he have to start now?  Was this really part of becoming an adult and growing up?  Because if having to give up and share Makoto with the world is what it meant to be an adult, then Haru despised whatever the future had to offer him.

 

No amount of gold medals, irreplaceable teammates, or education could possible compete with all that Makoto offered him.

 

Sensing a shift in Haru’s demure, Nagisa caught Rei and Gou’s attention, and quickly made an attempt to console their dear friend.

 

“Ahh, Rei-chan!  Gou-chan!  Did you see Haru-chan’s tournament last week on TV?  He looked amazing, didn’t he!?  His races weren’t even a competition!  Haru-chan won by a landslide!”

 

“Haruka-senpai’s swimming posture and stamina were clearly that of an Olympic athletes.  And his flawless kicks and strokes were as beautiful as ever.” 

 

Haru lifted and turned his gaze towards his comrades.  Rei straightened his glasses, pleased with himself for having re-captured Haru’s attention.

 

Nagisa swiftly turned to Gou, who jumped slightly at the intensity of Nagisa’s gaze.  “I-I did!  Haru swam just as well as my brother; I was really impressed!”

 

Ears perking at the mention of his recent performance, Rin momentarily halted his conversation with Sousuke, and turned to flash the pearly whites of his sharp teeth at his lifelong rival.  “What do you mean swam ‘just as well?’  If my memory serves me right, in my last 800 freestyle event, my time was almost a second faster than dolphin-boy over here.”

 

Unable to contain his competitive nature around the red-headed shoujo princess, Haru allowed himself to get caught up in his rival’s blatant taunt.

 

“Oh?  I didn’t notice—I was too busy winning the tournament with my relay team.  I have to admit, it’s refreshing to swim alongside athletes who don’t cry after every race.”

 

Sousuke had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.  Nagisa on the other hand freely allowed his laughter to warm the night air closing in around them.  Gou couldn’t help but smirk at her older brother, while Rei attempted to stifle his laughter using the back of his hand.

 

Rin gawked at Haru: his face frozen in complete disbelief at how blunt his words had been, after finally being reunited after a year of being apart. 

 

“I DON’T ALWAYS CRY!  Sheesh, and how would you even know!?  You only swam with me ONCE in high school, so I don’t want to hear it…right, Sousuke?  Oi, SOUSUKE!” 

 

By this point, the dark-haired man was unable to contain his laughter, as he too allowed his voice to join alongside Nagisa’s. 

 

“Tch, you big jerk!  And after I flew all the way here to support Makoto and see you…”  Blushing from embarrassment at having been so easily figured out by his friends, Rin pressed his knee against Sousuke’s thigh half-playfully, half-pissed that he didn’t stand up for him.

 

“Sorry, Rin.  But everyone here knows the real you—so there’s no point in denyin—”

 

“OI!  JUST WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON!?”  Rin threw a playful punch towards Sousuke’s chest—the taller boy easily catching his fist, before proceeding to pull his feisty friend closer.

 

Rin tried to weasel his way out of Sousuke’s grip.  “Like hell I’m going to hug you after you hung me out to dry like that!  See if I ever let you touch me again…”

 

Sousuke chuckled lightly as he proceeded to wrap his arm around Rin, who despite acting cold and turned-off, couldn’t hide the small smile that stretched along his lips at the contact.

 

“Wait, wait!  Rin-chan, when did you and Sou-chan start dating!?”  Nagisa quickly bounded towards the two: a look of sheer wonderment and inquiry exuding from his bright, big eyes.

 

Rin’s face instantly turned scarlet while Sousuke pouted and flushed at the insinuation. 

 

“Wha- ** _HUH!?_**   WE’RE NOT DATING!  We’re best friends!”  Rin quickly turned his head aside with a “tch,” as he nervously scratched at the back of his neck.

 

“Yeah.  It’s been a few months since I visited him in Australia, so we’re excited to see each other—that’s all.  There’s no deeper meaning behind our…contact.”  Sousuke had been successful in restraining a blush from spreading along his cheeks and the tips of his ears until the culmination of his speech.

 

Not going unnoticed by the devilish imp, Nagisa giggled wildly before winking at the two.  “Right, right—I’m sure you two got your fill of physical contact in during your last visit—right, Sou-chan!?”

 

“Gross, Nagisa!  That’s my brother you’re talking about!”

 

Haru sighed as he tuned out the indignant yells and cries of refusal that proceeded.  While Haru was happy that it seemed Rin had finally been able to relay his true feelings for his lifelong best friend and companion, he was hit with the realization that he couldn’t say the same for himself.

 

He was envious of Rin’s ability to wear his heart on his sleeve, and ability to turn his raw emotions into coherent words.  Haru had always wanted to express to Makoto how he made him feel, but he always lacked the right words.

 

After all, how were you supposed to go about telling your best friend that whenever you were near them, your throat seemed to close up against your own will, out of fear you’d say something stupid?  Or that your heart literally thudded against your chest to the point you wondered if you had an actual medical condition?  Or that your pupils immediately dilated upon seeing them, because you so desperately wanted to take in and burn to memory every little insignificant detail of how they looked in that moment?  Or that you always had to jump into the water before taking their hand, because your palms were always sweaty and clammy when you were around them?  Or that every so often, you’d wake up from a very confusing dream in which the two of you were completely immersed in one another, engaging in activities that you wouldn’t do with someone who you just considered a friend?

 

These were all things Haru had been wanting to express to Makoto since they were kids, but never knew how—let alone did he understand what all of those feelings and sensations truly meant.

 

Haru was abruptly distracted by his thoughts, when Makoto’s voice rang throughout the stadium.

 

“Thank you so much for coming out tonight, everyone!”

 

The volume of high-pitched squeals and screams hurt Haru’s ears, as he quickly raised his hands in a futile attempt to block out some of the noise.  Turning his head aside, he could see that his friends had quickly become entranced by Makoto’s stage presence.  Curious as to how Makoto looked, standing on a stage by himself, he lifted his gaze to find Makoto staring directly back at him.  He flashed Haru a quick, genuine smile—the corners of his eyes wrinkling slightly at the joy of having his best friend there to support him on the night of his first performance.

 

And just as quickly as their eyes met, Makoto broke their intimate moment to look out upon the expanse of the stadium.  “Now then, let’s all enjoy this concert together!”

 

For the rest of the performance, Haru was unable to tear his gaze off of Makoto’s commanding presence.  Nor was he able to stop the hammering of his heart against his chest, or the lump in his throat as he ached to keep the man on stage all to himself.

 

***

 

The rest of the concert seemed to flash by as quickly as the shutter speed of the paparazzi's camera. 

 

The audience was slowly making their way out of the concert arena, amiably discussing how flawless Makoto’s singing and movements on stage had been.

 

"I can't believe Mako-chan writes all his own music!"  Nagisa was bounding on the fronts of his toes, occasionally twirling and swiftly gliding towards the exit as he hummed Makoto’s closing song.

 

"Agreed.  I never knew that Makoto-senpai had such lyrical talents.  He truly appeared to be in his element tonight."  Rei chimed in before leaping to stop Nagisa from recklessly dancing into random members of the crowd.

 

Haru's face settled into a scowl.  "Makoto writes his own music?"

 

The group quickly turned their heads to shoot an incredulous look towards their aloof companion. 

 

"Waaah!? Seriously, Haru-chan!?  You didn't know!?"

 

Rei adjusted his glasses awkwardly.  "I had figured you of anybody would’ve know that, being his closest companion." 

 

Haru lowered his head, feeling ashamed at not knowing the true expanse of his best friend’s talents.  "I never asked, and he never told me." 

 

Haru couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal that Makoto had never explicitly told him of the extent of his lyrical talents.  And why was it that Haru always seemed to be the last to know important things about his best friend, even though he was supposed to be the one who understood him better than anyone? 

 

The one who could read Makoto better than anyone.

 

The one who was supposed to know everything and anything about Makoto.

 

The one who had thought he'd made sure to know everything about Makoto...

 

So why wouldn't Makoto have told him? 

 

Sensing Haru's distress at the sudden piece of information, Sousuke tried to redirect the group’s attention off of Haru, and back to their mutual friend. 

 

"Regardless, it's clear Makoto’s got a lot of talent.  He seemed to be pretty comfortable up there."

 

Haru lifted his gaze: surprised, but also happy to hear Sousuke offering his best friend a genuine compliment. 

 

A wicked grin settled across Rin's lips as he noted Haru's renewed attention.  "Who would've thought our angelic, golden child would grow up to be a pop idol dripping in sex appeal?"

 

Both Sousuke and Haru turned to glare at the red-head.  Noticing the two's discomfort, Rin chuckled.  "Relax, no one has more sex appeal than you're dark and brooding persona, Sou.  And Haru, I highly doubt Makoto is going to turn into a lady killer overnight.  Besides, he's still too pure to give in to the temptation of fooling around with his fans."

 

Haru cringed as bile begin to rise in the back of his throat at the thought. 

 

Sousuke lowered his gaze to smirk at his best friend.  "I dunno...did you hear some of his lyrics tonight?  It sounds like he does have a bit of a wild side to him.  At least, when it comes to someone he likes."

 

Haru didn't notice the exchange between Nagisa and Rei, before their eyes quickly traveled towards Haru.  

 

"Oooh!!  Do you think Mako-chan has a wild side too, Rei-chan?"

 

"By my deductive reasoning and assessment, Makoto-senpai's lyrics appeared to come directly from his heart, and were 100 percent authentic.  That being said, it would appear that with the right person, he would love them fully and freely."

 

Haru's ears perked at the word "free," as he turned his head, only to find his group of friends, all watching him closely. 

 

"What?"

 

The group quickly flinched, realizing they'd been far too obvious in observing Haru's reaction to the idea of Makoto finding a lover. 

 

"Aaahh, it's getting late, huh!?  I suppose we should let Haru-chan go check on Mako-chan before he leaves!"

 

Nagisa leapt towards Haru, and gave his arm an encouraging squeeze.  “Let him know how proud we are of him, ‘kay Haru-chan?”

 

“Yes, please let Makoto-senpai know that we are all very impressed by his artistic aura and talents.”  Rei offered a warm smile before gently tugging Nagisa back towards the rest of the group.

 

“And don’t forget, Sou and I are meeting you and Makoto for lunch tomorrow before we have our rematch!”  Rin flashed Haru a wicked, competitive smile that he reserved solely for his irreplaceable rival.

 

Haru offered an eager smile in response, before turning to Sousuke and was met with a warm nod.  ‘See you tomorrow, Haru.  Thank Makoto for the tickets.”

 

The group bid Haru farewell before exiting through the gates.  Haru made sure to properly see them off, before turning to head towards the backstage hallway.  His VIP badge allowed him to quickly bypass all security, until he was standing outside of Makoto’s dressing room.

 

Haru couldn’t explain the pounding of his heart against his chest, or why his vision had suddenly grown blurry, but he wouldn’t let that keep him from seeing his best friend.  After all, he had a few questions for Makoto that he needed answers to—starting with why Makoto had kept his lyrics a secret from him.

 

***

 

_You make my heart shake_

_Bend and break_

_But I can't turn away_

_And it's driving me wild_

_You're driving me wild_

 

_***_

“Ahh, Haru-chan!  Did you like the show?  Do you think it was okay?  Did I look too weird up there? Hah hah, it’s hard to believe any of that was real…”

 

A splash of pink spread across Makoto’s cheeks as he nervously scratched at the back of his neck.  Haru watched his friend carefully, determined to find some answers to the slew of questions resonating in his head.

 

“Makoto.  Why didn’t you tell me you wrote your own lyrics?”

 

The taller man’s eyes widened like a child who had been caught with both their hands in the cookie jar.  “Wh-what do you mean?  I thought I had mentioned it at some point…”

 

“You didn’t.  I would’ve remembered something like that.”

 

“O-oh.  I’m sorry, Haru.  I guess I just figured you knew.”

 

“Well I didn’t.”  Haru turned his head aside as he allowed a pout to form along his lips.  He hated getting upset with Makoto, but he couldn’t hide that he was both hurt and confused as to why his best friend had never opened up to him about the heart of his music.

 

“Haru-chan…”

 

The smaller boy could feel his cheeks heat at the amount of comfort, remorse, and intimacy in Makoto’s voice.

 

“I never meant to keep it a secret from you, I just…I figured if anyone could read me, it’d be you.  And I wasn’t ready for you to know what my lyrics were about.”

 

Haru returned his gaze to settle onto Makoto’s warm, emerald eyes.  “Are you ready now?”

 

A sheepish smile stretched along Makoto’s lips.  “To be honest, I don’t know that I’ll ever feel ready.”

 

A scowl formed along the crease of Haru’s forehead.  “Who are your songs about, Makoto?  Is it someone I know?” 

 

The singer lowered his gaze.  He anxiously began twirling his fingers, nervous as to how his best friend would respond to the truth.  “Yeah, it’s someone you know…”

 

Haru’s brows furrowed in confusion.  “Why wouldn’t you want me to know who they’re about?”

 

Makoto slowly lifted his gaze until he was met by a pair of familiar sapphire hues, warmly gazing back at him.  “I didn’t…I wasn’t sure how you’d respond.”

 

Haru’s eyes softened at the pained expression painted across Makoto’s face as he struggled to find the right words.  “Okay, then let’s start with your first song.”

 

 

Makoto’s ears perked in interest.  “You mean ‘Youth?’  You want to know what that was about?”

 

“Mm.”

 

Makoto smiled fondly as his gaze seemed to drift off to a distant memory.  "I wrote ' Youth' right before we moved to Tokyo.  It was kind of like my escape from reality--it was comforting thinking about running away with you, and holding onto our youth instead of facing the reality of having to grow up and separate.”

 

Haru could feel his cheeks burn in response to Makoto’s honest words.

 

"And 'Fools?’"

 

Makoto's eyes widened, his mouth clamping shut.

 

"Who was that about?"

 

The taller boy started to open his lips to speak, but came up empty-handed—instantly closing them in defeat. 

 

“Makoto.”

 

“I…I started to write it the night of our fight, right before you left for Australia, but I didn’t finish it until after you had decided to go pro.”

 

Haru’s eyes widened in surprise.  “It was about me?”

 

“The night you ran away from me, I thought it was all my fault—I couldn’t stand knowing that I had upset you, and possibly hurt our friendship.  I felt like an idiot…”

 

“Makoto, it wasn’t your fau—”

 

“And then after you announced that you wanted to go pro, and you and Rin started to plan your futures together at the Olympics, I felt…it felt like our lives were starting to separate, and the dreams I’d had as a kid of growing up by your side were going to stay just a dream…”

 

“Makoto.”

 

There was a sense of urgency hidden in Haru’s tone that caused Makoto to quickly meet his gaze.  The two stood in silence, taking a moment to process all that Makoto had revealed.

 

Haru’s heart began to beat faster as he realized he had been Makoto’s muse for two of his best hits.  Still, Haru needed to know more.  He wanted to know everything about Makoto.  And for most of their lives, he thought he’d done a fairly decent job of keeping up with gentle brunette.

 

But somehow, he’d managed to overlook Makoto’s musical and lyrical abilities.  And he’d be damned if he remained in the dark any longer.

 

“What about ‘Talk Me Down.’”

 

The singer’s cheeks instantly turned red.  “I, umm…that one, I…that is—”

 

“Makoto, it’s okay.  Whatever it’s about, I’m here for you.  I support you.”

 

Haru’s words seemed to ease whatever anxieties Makoto was harboring.  The tightness in his shoulders slowly relaxed as he took a steadying breath. 

 

“I wrote that song a couple months into our first semester of university.  I was having a hard time adjusting to you not being my neighbor anymore, and not being able to see you every day.  I really missed you, and felt like I had lost a piece of myself when we separated.  But I knew I was being selfish, and that you were busy with swimming and training for the Olympics, so…I tried not to say anything about it.”

 

Haru felt his body heat in response to knowing he hadn’t been alone in feeling that way.  His heart ached at the thought of a restless Makoto, lying awake at night wishing that he could be closer to his best friend.

 

Makoto carefully watched his best friend as he processed a lot of new information.  The pop idol was growing weary of revealing too much of his feelings or making Haru uncomfortable, and decided for both their sakes to try and end the conversation.

 

“Anyways, I’m sorry for keeping all of this from you, I just wasn’t sure how to tell you.  But, everything’s okay now, so you don’t need to worry!  I’m finally adjusting to becoming an adult, and I’ve been able to find my own path, just like you have with swimming, and hopefully I’ll be able to meet with you more with our first year ending, so…” 

 

Makoto flashed Haru a sheepish grin, as he ran a hand through his long, shaggy hair.  “So, everything’s good!  Now you know about my songs, and I’m in a much better place now than when I wrote some of them, so—”

 

“What about ‘Wild.’”

 

Makoto audibly gulped as apprehension coursed through his veins.  That was the one song Makoto hadn’t been able to come up with a pre-rehearsed answer to.  Makoto was a terrible liar, and he knew that if Haru were to ever ask him of the song’s origins, he’d be unable to create an escape.

 

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try.

 

“Oh, that one?  Ahaha, that was just your typical pop song about falling in love.  Ms. Sakurai said it was a necessary part of the business.”  He could feel sweat beginning to form along his brow, but prayed it went unnoticed.

 

“Makoto, you’re acting strange.”

 

“Huh?  No I’m not!”

 

“You are.”

 

“How!?”

 

“You’re avoiding eye contact and you look frantic.”

 

“I’m not frantic!  Why would I be frantic!?”

 

“Makoto, who’s the song about?”

 

The singer’s eardrums started to ring, his heart heavily pounding against his chest—he could feel his breathing turning ragged as he struggled to regain control over his nerves.

 

“Makoto?  Are you okay?”

 

Makoto begrudgingly accepted his fate as he realized there was no point in denying his best friend the truth—after all, Haru knew him better than anyone.  And he’d known that Makoto was withholding pertinent information from him the moment his half-assed answer slipped past his lips.

 

 “Haru…haven’t you realized by now?”

 

Uncertainty flitted through Haru’s eyes as he searched Makoto’s own for clarity.

 

"Don't you see, Haru?  Everything I write is about you...it's always, always been about you, Haruka."

 

The sound of his formal name on the tongue of the person he loved more than anyone sent warm chills down Haru’s spine.

 

“I’m sorry I never told you.  I was afraid that if you found out, it’d ruin our friendship.”  Makoto slowly lifted his gaze to meet Haru’s—his eyes pleading for Haru to understand—to still accept and love him, just like he always had—to not allow this new piece of information to interfere with their friendship.

 

“Stupid Makoto.”

 

“H—Haru!” 

 

The brunette gaped at the smaller boy—surprised by his curt words.

 

“Nothing could ever ruin our friendship.”  Haru turned his head aside bashfully, a soft pink dusting his cheeks.  “How long…”

 

“Huh?”

 

“How long have you felt this way?”

 

A warm smile stretched along Makoto’s lips as he reminisced on one of his favorite memories.

 

“Do you remember the day when Coach Sasabe let us take home those keychains?  And later that night we made a promise to always stay by each other’s side?  I think that’s when I knew.  That no matter what, I’d always find a way back to Haru’s side.”

 

The smaller boy bit his lip in concentration as he tried to muster the courage to respond to Makoto’s honest confession. 

 

“…It was the same for me too.”

 

“It—what?”

 

“That day.  That’s when I knew.  That I always wanted to stay by Makoto’s side.”

 

“Haru-chan.”

 

The smaller boy was unable to lift his gaze to meet Makoto’s.  It had taken every bit of confidence for Haru to admit that he too, had fallen for his friend years ago.

 

He grew too wrapped up in his own racing thoughts to notice Makoto closing the distance between them, until the taller boy’s shoes fell directly in line with his vision.  Startled, Haru quickly lifted his gaze to meet his best friend’s. 

 

“You mean, when we made that promise together…you felt it too?”

 

The pair were completely entranced by one another’s gaze: unmoving under the watchful eye of their most beloved companion.

 

“Mm.  I figured you knew.”

 

“Huh!?  How would I have known if you didn’t say anything?”

 

“You always know what I’m thinking.  So I figured that night was no different.”

 

“Haru-chan,” Makoto lifted his hand to place a gentle caress along Haru’s cheek.  “Some things are too important to remain unsaid.  Even with me, some things need to be said out loud.”

 

Haru finally broke their gaze as he turned his head aside with a pout—his skin burning under Makoto’s watchful eye.

 

“It’s not my fault you’re so dense…”

 

A light chuckle slipped past Makoto’s lips, easing the tension in the air.  “Sorry, Haru.  I never meant to keep you waiting all this time.  I’m sorry it took me so long to gather the courage to tell you.”

 

The shorter boy physically ached for his best friend.  He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Makoto’s solid frame, and become enveloped by his sturdy, comforting embrace.

 

“Because there’s no one I love more than Haru-chan.”

 

Haru tried to control his body from trembling in excitement.  Makoto’s confession seemed to be stirring up years of Haru’s own withheld, unspoken emotions.

 

“Me too, Makoto.”

 

A beautiful pair of emerald eyes lit up in a mix of wonderment and relief.

 

“I like you too.”

 

Makoto gently cupped the sides of Haru’s face.  “How much, Haru-chan.  Tell me how much.”

 

Haru bit his lip in embarrassment—his cheeks flushing a vibrant pink.

 

“Please, I need to hear you say it.  I need to know how you really feel.”

 

“I…There’s no one I love more than Makoto.”

 

Makoto’s body moved before his brain had time to process what he was doing—his lips amiably seeking warmth against Haru’s own.

 

Once Haru’s initial shock over the soft, heated touch of his best friend’s lips against his own subsided, he began to take note of the way the warmth on his lips spread through his skin like wildfire, before erupting into the pits of his stomach, where a round of fireworks seemed to be taking off. 

 

Haru smiled at the lingering taste of chocolate on Makoto’s breath, while marveling at the way Makoto’s lips fit so perfectly against his own.  Kissing Makoto felt as right and natural as diving into the water.  If he had known how good it felt, he would’ve tried this with Makoto years sooner.

 

A slight groan of protest unconsciously slipped past Haru’s lips as Makoto abruptly pulled away—his cheeks appearing as if they were terribly sunburnt.

 

“S—sorry, Haru!  I wasn’t thinking, it was like my body just…moved!  And then, I mean, aahh, I’m really so—”

 

Haru placed a finger to Makoto’s lips in attempts of hushing his frazzled companion.

 

“You talk too much.”

 

And before giving his best friend a chance to respond, Haru grabbed Makoto’s chin and leaned onto the fronts of his feet as he placed a delicate, sincere kiss against the one set of lips he’d always wanted to claim as his own.

 

***

 

_But I wanna sleep next to you_

_And I wanna come home to you_

_I wanna hold hands with you_

_I wanna be close to you_

_I wanna sleep next to you_

_But that's all I wanna do right now_

_So come over now and talk me down_

 

_***_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again, Sam, for sparking this idea :3 Happy birthday and I hope this next year is filled with beautiful OTP feels and Troye continuing to serenade you with his incredible voice :3
> 
> Before writing this, I re-watched Troye’s three-part music video Blue Neighbourhood series, but imagined Makoto and Haru as the two boys, and cried all over again X3 It was both excruciating and beautiful~
> 
> Feel free to wish Sam a happy birthday at kurootetsru.tumblr.com, or come tell me what an injustice I did to Troye/Makoto at right---meow XD lol.


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